Traffic and Girls

The cars on 81 seem very continuous but very quiet, not sure why. There there's a break...maybe I'm just loosing sight of the quiet times. So how to let the quiet times linger???? Back to the title, instead of trying to screw up a beautiful young woman this Christmas, I'm going to remember the beautiful young women that have been in my life. Those that were kind to me when I had little intention of planning kindness back. Well I hope they all have a warm merry Christmas.

I wonder if the volume of the passing cars is louder for my parents...I hope not, because it can be maddening if you let it. May skip the tread climber today, not because of any right excuse but because I'm cozy and accepting the way I feel now.  Well that's about it for the day, I'm going to unpack and get washed up.

Top 20 Actors

1) Mel Gibson

2) Tom Hanks

3) Leonardo DiCaprio

4) George Cloony

5) Brad Pitt

6) Angelina Jolie

7) Pamela Anderson

8) Ethan Hawke

9) Elijah Wood

10) Johnny Depp

11) Al Pacino

12) Harrison Ford

13) Jim Carey

14) Bruce Willis

15) John Travolta

16) Sharon Stone

17) Demi Moore

18) Michael Douglas

19) Will Smith

20) Keanu Reeves

Top 20 Musicians

1) Adele

2) Eminem

3) Mozart

4) Aerosmith

5) Kelly Clarkson

6) Madonna

7) Bill Withers

8) Red Hot Chili Peppers

9) Ani Defranco

10) Brian Setzer

11) Justin Timberlake

12) Britney Spears

13) TLC

14) Elvis Presley

15) Ferdinando Carulli

16) Kenny Rogers

17) Loverboy

18) Electro 35

19) Atmosphere

20) Kid Rock

Rock on!!!!!!!!

Top 20 Authors

1) Stephen King

2) Dean Koontz

3) J.R.R. Tolkien

4) Moses

5) DK Publishing

6) Danielle Steel

7) Mark Twain

8) Shakespeare

9) Boris Vallejo

10) Leo Tolstoy

11) Jules Verne

12) Daniel Defoe

13) Robert Louis Stephenson

14) Ian McEwan

15) Arthur Conan Doyle

16) Doyle Brunson

17) Jeremy Silman

18) Alexander Dumas

19) H.G. Wells

20) George Orwell

Schweet....

Top 20 Athletes

1) Babe Ruth

2) Joe Dimaggio

3) Kirby Puckett

4) Wayne Gretzky

5) Michael Jordan

6) LeBron James

7) Michael Phelps

8) Brett Favre

9) Kevin Garnett

10) Kevin Love

11) Ray Allen

12) Cy Young

13) Mark McGuire

14) Chris Carter

15) Randy Moss

16) Randall Cunningham

17) Maya Moore

18) Lindsay Whalen

19) Seimone Augustus

20) Micky Mantle

That's a start...

Top 20 Science Fiction Heroes

Another rough draft of Science Fiction Heroes...

1) Spock

2) Bones

3) Captain Jean Luc Picard

4) Luke Skywalker

5) Princess Leia

6) Captain Kirk

7) Lord Vader

8) Han Solo

9) C-3PO

10) R2D2

11) Chewbacca

12) Obi Wan Kinobi

13) Commander Ryker

14) Dianna Troy

15) Jordy Le Forge

16) Quigon Jinn

17) Yoda

18) Colonel Jack O'Neil (Stargate)

19) Boba Fett

20) Padme Amidala

That's that, for now...

Top 20 Superheroes

So here's a first copy draft of my overall top 20 superheroes...

1) Superman

2) Wolverine

3) Xavier

4) Captain Planet

5) Hellboy

6) Batman

7) Spiderman

8) Captain America

9) Hulk

10) Splinter

11) Witchblade

12) Laura Croft

13) Super Girl

14) Vamirella

15) Wonder Woman

16) Poison Ivey

17) Sean Gray

18) Red Sonja

19) Buffy

20) Cat Woman

Well, that's that.

Dreading the Cold

Ok, so I'm planning practically anything and anything to keep me warm once I return to Minnesota. In the process, I found a few attractive superheroines to imagine on cold winter nights. Here's my favorites in order...

1) Witchblade

2) Laura Croft

3) Super Girl

4) Vamirella

5) Wonder Woman

6) Poison Ivey

7) Sean Gray

8) Red Sonja

9) Buffy

10) Cat Woman

Now I only need to find them in real life. How cool would it be to have a real life superhero girlfriend?!

Signing off, going to get into my Grandparents wine. Grandma's carrolling and Grandpa's at poker. They really live the good life here in their retirement community. I've missed a couple events but in all honesty I've been very sick and keeping up with all the action is difficult.

Watch out for Falling Pianos

Ok, so American society is made of 1% happy balanced athletes, actors, doctors, construction and more... and 99% looking to drop a piano on the minority's head. Really this desire to drop a piano on the happy minority is a cry for conversation and a greater role. The problem is that our world is shrinking and every physical shell, round, fist that is thrown is another piano being dropped on the happy 1% somewhere in the middle class. We need to go back to old world essentialism, where the heroes at the top are modelled after and respected. Where we speak the truth more often than spiteful venom.

Steel Bearings better than Ceramic

Don't know why, but I'm a steel bearing fan, now they are making skate and yoyo bearings from ceramic and from what I read they work very well. Maybe I'll try them sometime, I just don't know about the practicality of them...I just found my peterfish yos again, they bind very well for an inexspensive Walgreens yo. I feel like my debt with Walgreens is partially paid by their well built Peterfish Illuminator. I know I'm kinda obcessing about a toy, but it's one of my sports, and it matters to me, lets me feel less crappy. I'm extremely happy with the direction my personal life is heading, if a bit cold, I'm relating better to society. The problem I'm having is generating my own change, balance, and money....oh yeah, Sexapalooza is coming up, sounds like the Sexpo Jes and I went to.....back to yo.......I'm going to be working on my left handed trapeze, double or nothing, rock the cradle, walk the dog, bind, and sleeper. This will keep me occupied for a while getting it right (so to speak). Sometimes my left and right hands don't relate well and it's a bit challenging for tricks coordinating. This will get incredibly difficult when I begin using two yos at the same time. This is called 3A yo Division, and I'm fairly happy with my progression to this point. If I get the MaxSpin Dashes for Christmas I'll be set for a very long time. That reminds me, I should probably get some lube, I seem to have misplaced mine. I may just get Bones skate lube and use that for my yo, it's probably a bit thicker but it works. I'll go see if I can get big tubes of it at Amazon.

Election Democracy Deals at http://www.versaglobe.com

Boring Post 012003

Don't know why but I pick at my skin and it really bothers me, now knowing how important it is to others makes it even worse...I want to be more chill and not pick at my skin.

Oh yeah, shop http://www.versaglobe.com

Big Push for VersaGlobe.com

I'm really working at getting my webpage fixed up, cross promoting on eBay, my blog, and any other place someone might find my card, link, or promo.  I sold a couple dice today, small victory yes, but positive cash flow just the same. I'd really like to make enough money to buy a house.

I think I'm going to focus on 100 products that I'm selling...this number gives me enough leeway for differentiation, yet enough focus for quality control.  I think this number will fit nicely on my page, maybe rows of 5 times 20 rows of products. And it's enough products if I ever wanted to start a kiosk or a storefront.

I need to keep pressing on and quit thinking of throwing pebbles into a stream...this metaphor keeps me complacent and bored...but when I press on, I have hopes of ownership, activity, transactions, and so on.

A couple ways I plan to control costs is by keeping small inventory, keeping my books very well, cutting out all but the most essential subscriptions, paying next to nothing for advertising, carpooling, sticking to the quality of product that is right for my business not necessarily the markets, making money with every sale, cooperating with Broadway Awards and Co...

There are more cheap tricks for creating cash flow towards eBay and http://www.versaglobe.com that I haven't mentioned, but I'm really focusing on the basics right now so that I don't get sidetracked by a faddish gimmick.

eBay is Fun

I would like to say that although there could be some streamlining of the forms, more of the banned products, and some updating....eBay rocks.

It's really neat on an Ipad.

Anarchist on the Internet

I suppose it's better than an anarchist in the library.

Here's the deal, Ebay the company, should do everything in it's power to allow alcohol, tobacco, and firearms on their site. There I said it. Yes I'm throwing a fit because I don't have a problem with these things, yet would like to shop for them occasionally.

Well, I doubt they will change their policy, I guess I have to find independent sites for these vices.

Peace...

Dreading Winter

Well, I have a vacation planned for November to Desert Harbor. It will be a great time as usual. I look forward to playing in the tournaments :) Just an awkward guess, the world series will be between the New York Yankees and the Cincinatti Reds and the New York Yankees will win it in 7 games. Wishful thinking maybe. I've finally decided that penny bets like my grandparents would make with me are the way to go, because gambling is wrong yet it matters.

I feel very good thinking in terms of language. I wasn't very good in English class growing up, but now that I'm trying to construct fancy, happy, prosey sentences I'm much happier than when I would focus on a single word or thing.

I also signed up for a free sportsbook called freesportsbet.com, I see it as a learning opportunity to think slightly more about the games and people we watch on TV.

Oh yeah, winter is coming and I feel frozen before it got here, like way before it got here, suppose I need more activity and less coffee.

Don't Flip the Chessboard

Ok, so once upon a time I thought the pinnacle of sport was flipping the chessboard, the walk off homerun, forcing an opponent to resign, breaking an opponent in one hand of poker, and these aspirations are still effective in turning the tides, but this makes the things and people that really turn the tides go underappreciated...I'm not saying that there is limited glory on earth only that I have a limited attention span, and because of that I'de rather focus on cars and women than that magic momment where I trap a lucky opponent at chess and force him to flip the board due to my charm. It sounds great, but when all is said and done, honest work in the garden is a quadrillion times more satisfying. I suppose both momments are neccessary, but I'm sure the garden will need to be watered many times more than the chessboard need be flipped.

Some more things that are very important to me a quality kettle, computer, tv (though I hate to admit it), furniture, art, pictures, books, dvds, cds, and of course all my family :)

Don't Come Clean about Sexual Desires with Women

Watched a video on AskMen.com with a very pretty young woman that told me to slow my roll and I tend to agree, there's lots of ways to flirt without stabbing the best worker I've met that day, to be extremely vulgar...

PS. I love the young women at Subway ;)

Feeling Really Good

Today I've finished a matrix of 64 of my favorite library items, I really feel good about integrating my life to the point where I can focus on work, music, dance, women...I may make another matrix of my favorite 64 tools, and items, and rituals....but for now I'm very happy with my list. I really feel like I've been lead in a positive direction where I'm willing and able to promote positive life choices, and live an exiting life myself. I really hope that this focus lets me become a better person. Telephone........Showered shaved, haven't brushed my teeth yet...I wonder if deoderant is a necessity or not? All I need now is a blow job and a cup of coffee. asedfjklasdfjkasdklfkjasdjfklassdjfaklsdk

LOVE THIS LIFE :)

Enough Lonely Women and Bad Booze

I'm payin for it :)

What Would I do with a Pro Baseball Contract?

I would pay to belong to the finest gentlemen's clubs, and libraries, and colleges, and airports, and walk off the field before relating to an umpire.

Ok, so I wouldn't make a very good team player, even though I want to. I want to play first base with a 7 year contract. I'll play for the union's princely sum of $300,000 per year.

I play first base and hit cleanup for the Twins :)

Going Hollywood

Hollywood, baaaaaaabeeeey!)

Having the Cold while on Vacation

It's very minor, but I've got phlem in the back of my throat that won't go away, which causes me to cough, which causes my nose to water...it's a cold.

I want to get well so that I can enjoy my grandparents company better. Maybe I will buy something on the internet, a little retail therapy. :)

Also, I'd like to take some photos and put them here on my blog.

Shout out from AJ AZ :)

Getting Socially Krunked @ Arizona

I'm going to work at getting off during Saturday poker tournaments, without being obnoxious...maybe 2 beers during poker, playing a little goofy...that's the beauty of poker, I can be goofy with or without anyone noticing.

Why do I blog?

To put it simply, it's an easy way for me to think through my feelings. Yes, I'm avoiding my feelings, because pretty much every feeling carried to its conclusion results in being ill. Now, I don't know this for certain because I stay as close to root as possible, yet I do believe there is a better way.

It must involve finding a wife then giving a child as much time as they want.

Right now I'm high as a kite from porn and masterbation, but I'm also feeling well, which means I'm calmly exploring my emotions and thoughts.

Something that keeps recurring in my own life and with Broadway Awards is that I want us to copy the big companies and the rest of the company does what works. Now I believe they are justified in doing what works, yet I think it's my responsibility to push them.

I want to clean up my act, and I mean that as an expression, not an obsessive regression. I want to learn to rely on myself and my family and my habitat.

...I really want to keep typing cause the cursor keeps blinking and I like the sound of the keys clicking and the words falling on the screen, and the sound of the words in my head...

Basically I'm taking every opportunity to do my best, because that's what I can explain, that's what wants to be seen, that's what I want to experience. Now, I know there is a ton of debilitating filth that can be dreamed up, and debilitating fantasy as well, but my fantasies and filth are the everyday variety, but my loved ones tell me to do something else, do something more, show off, take credit, and move on. Well I really want to focus on the things I value, like a pictograph, simple and profound.

Now I give my family my best and my worst and all I get in return is phsycho thoughts. What I want in return is stamina, and smiles, and savory victories with crunchy points. I may be a bit immature in this desire but it is truly what I seek, being calm long enough to forget about bloody thoughts, like now. Getting above guns and cigarettes and having painless, memorable, fun with my family.

Which brings me to Arizona, I'm leaving for there on the 27th of this month. So, in my dreams I don't get my skating helmet and pads until Christmas of this year, but I'm strongly considering using the money I get June 3 to make a big purchase from skates.com.

I hope I can stay somewhat sober while in AZ.

The Living Ranch

The living ranch is a ranch house, with a wild yard, that is always adapting to the growth and weather. It may be self sufficient making its own soda pop, milk, eggs, bread, meat, coffee, clothes, yet the distinguishing feature is its willingness to constantly change walls, energy sources, drives giving the house a very turbulent feel, yet making for constant growth and contraction. With a more suburban feel than an Amish house, yet simple and rustic enough to justify hard work. Basicly a very modern, green, ranch. On second thought, the self sufficiency of the ranch is not nearly as important as the novelty and growth of the ranch. Think field of dreams the movie, with a skate park, basketball court, tennis court, volleyball court, playground, while keeping the farming, and making the most modern, adaptive, ranch house possible. Now, I'm not imagining a gilded mansion, but more of an efficient, green, dream, accepting the roles of nature, accepting our own screwy goals, and accepting that a home need be given more attention. While keeping from gettting too ecclectic, greasy, benign, cold, you know, too much. Well, this would be a truly wonderful feat, and the family that lives in this ranch could communicate to the urban world via satelite internet and trips to home depot.

Alley Painter's Son Taught me to Skateboard

The blond kid accross the alley from Broadway Awards taught me the mechanics of a quality ollie. That's where I'm beginning, or beginning again, I do recall having ollied a board on its side. I'm sure it takes practice, practice, practice. I took some epic wipes so now I need to recoup before I go out again. Here's what happened...he setup his board on its side and I started at it from about 6 feet away, jumped, lost track of my legs and planted into the cement. I'm a little dizzy from the whole experience. I'm going to see what my folks are up to downstairs. I'm glad I didn't get too bloodied. Now I'll see what they are doing.

Tshirt with I'd be unstoppable if not for law enforcement & physics...

Funny shirt for sale online says "I'd be unstoppable if not for law enforcement & physics." Hilarious, but too gross to actually wear around :)

So, I finally figured out why I bank...it's cause I like money.

Angst, Count on This

I Want as Much Credit for my Big Ticket Productions as my Sex Addiction, so that I am calmed and reassured by my guitar, and my skates, and my friends and family. I accept my memory is a bloody mess, so do something about it.

Angst, Desalination is Easier than Originally Thought

Yeah, taking the salt out of water to make it edible is not that hard. I don't know the easiest way todo it but I do know that it's not that hard. Yeah, I would love to drink water, but I'm working, so I drink coffee.

I'm not angry with civilization's essentialism, I'm angry with my own anger. UPDATE: Not true

Technology and Industry

Technology progressed similiar to industry, yet the pace was breathtaking. Just as we kept our kids from complex machines we must keep our kids from complex software.

Inner Strength, Sorer Tomorrow

I believe I have gained inner strength, and took a spill on the asphault today.

Action is neat, I'm resolving to get more active, I love being active.

Now I need to become pressent in my action, have a repetoire, accept my surroundings for better or worse.

I'm thinking the best ballance of skating is 20% ice skating 50% inline 20% biking and 10% skateboarding...

The Threat is Greater than the Execution

This may be true, but it doesn't pressent a quality picture of what we do every day. It's a tool that should be used when needed, and not more. And because these threats are greater, someone should be in the execution camp, where victory is victory, and man is man, making greater the effects of our strolls through the wood, and our shortcomings.

I guess I'm saying that is if we always deal in threats, then the causality of my own nature begins to break down. If religion, law, and order are the means by which a man is measured, then man becomes religion, law, and order.

The squirrels, rabbits, trees, cats and dogs are my new civility. I'm not the first to follow a natural course, but the course is mine, and my course will be new.

This may seem dramatic when read, but with consideration of all I have today, I owe it to myself and my neighbors, to make a stand for health.

BTW, I'm going to get a Pothos plant for my desk

Don't Want to Work Tonight!!

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Tieflings Drink Tea, Dragonborn Drink Coffee

I'm wondering how a Tiefling village near a Dragonborn village might play out. I would imagine both of these prestigious races would want power and vie for control of the other, with grand conduct becoming of their race. But, who would win?

I imagine there would be some power play with the Tieflings doing dark dealings that they deem neccesary to keep the peace, in line with their demonic ancestors, yet the Dragonborn, decendant of Dragon and Human, have their own vision of peace which means taking the tieflings dark rites and dealings and bringing them into the light, by sword or fireball if necessary. This could be the beginning of the most powerful alliance ever, or the end of both cities and their inhabitants.

I'm itching to roll some bones, get some critical hits, and experience some fairy tale civility.

These are a few of my Favorite Things

I thought this was going to be thanks about the things I enjoy, but it's the things I think will make me whole, but won't make me whole.

A Ford Taurus, a hand made computer, a Gibson guitar, a Taylor guitar, a Ph.D, a rock garden amongst the garden of David, porn, cigarettes, illegal drugs, alcohol, more time, less time, money, books, cds, dvds, PMS, PMA, better standards, better ethics, food, water, coffee, sugar, needles, gas, and more...

I do care for the existence of these things, and may lose myself without them, but they don't make me.

I'm Special, These are my Shoes, Get your Own

I'm very happy with my shoes, metaphorically and literally. Grrrrrrrr, let me be.

Chronological Me

So I'm building again, moving towards a cressendo, skating and eating and playing and working.

My calling card action and elegance, my nemisis apathy.

PS. Crows are cuter when viewed as a primary color.

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

I hope to turn over a new leaf, by ridding myself of distractions and putting that NRG into work, basketball, beautiful people, guitar, and skating. I really feel good about this step forward. I am slowing down and enjoying the things that I've always wanted to do.

Besides, we had an awesome time with my auntie Laurie at her 57th birthday at Maynards in Rogers today :)

Who knows, I may read a chapter of Lord of the Rings tonight :)_)(_(

Angst and Excitement

I'm really wanting to get into shape with my new K2 roller blades. I will skate with them to work, from 63rd to Robbinsdale, and from 81 to Brooklyn Boulevard.

I want to be the regular, healthy, muscular skater, but for now I'm the, little out of shape skater.

I hope that I'm able to loosen up, warm up, and jump up with them.

Modern Monarchy

We need some of the wild friendliness of the past, yet we cannot let ourselves become ruthless tyrants like those of Rome, England, China, Germany, etc...

Professional Athlete Me

MLB - NL Pitcher
NBA - Guard
NFL - Line Backer
NHL - Defense

...And my top ten words...
1) I
2) Thanks
3) Yes
4) No
5) Nature
6) Love
7) Intuition
8) Money
9) Sex
10) Child

Want Another Long Quiet Night

Athens + Elite = Athlete

I'm going to bed early today, as myself, for myself.

And NO, demon hair-splitter, I'm not a lonely gamete.

Less Stress, Honestly

I need a nap :)

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Good Sleep

The last couple nights I've had really good sleep, and it shows. I feel upbeat and happy throughout the day. I really need to make it to ARC tonight. I want to leave a good impression in case I get this job that Mike Geatz is setting me up with. It's really exciting thinking of being flush with cash. I can think of more than a couple investments, food, gas, new year's eve, a new Ford Focus, instruments, books, dvds, cds, fast food franchises, tickets to all kinds of events, airline tickets, and if I haven't pretend spent enough money I'll hoard gold coins and Fiat cars. Oh yeah, and I can pay off my debt. Oh yeah, a snuggly, small, cozy, quiet, handsome, soft, warm, happy, silly, fun, enjoyable, centered, creeky, old, fresh, cosmopolitan, close, far, unbelievable, modest, overgrown house.

Taller - Ents instead of...

I need tolerance, very much...my whims seem life or death and my standards tip top. The problem with true tolerance is that it cannot be taught.

I'm finding more acceptence of minor glitches in the system. Instead of seeing the stumps I see shoots, instead of seeing scars I see pores, instead of tasting salt I taste food, instead of fearing facts I read prose, instead of fearing laughter I laugh along, instead of feeling lonely I include someone else, instead of dragging my feat I gallop towards goals, instead of fearing oppression I hear bells, instead of carrying weight I invent solutions, instead of wasting a move I castle, instead of fearing the clock I clock in, instead of...

Favorite Light Certification on PlanetSide

As I advance, I've been considering what the best barebones configuration is for PlanetSide computer game. Here's what I've come up with for the Terran Republic.

Advance Targeting Implant
Medium Assault 2
Reinforced Exo 3
Cycler Max 3
Harasser 1
Engineer 3
Medical 3

Armored Assault I for 2 and Armored Assault II for 1 is definitely next on the list, as armor is a strong force in this game.

The Preacher Said...

Once upon a time, I was in church, and the preacher said that whoring yourself out was the wrong thing to do, yet I don't recall what was supposed to replace it ;P

Planetside Game System

Terrain Republic

Reinforced Armor, Medium Assault, Harasser or Armored Assault I and II, Medical, and Engineering.

This system gives a well rounded infantry, and is lots of fun to play and costs relatively few certification points, especially if you get the Harasser.

K + U = MC^2 Einstein's Longhand

In other words the kinetic energy plus the potential energy is equal to the mass times the speed of light squared.

Yeah, it still doesn't make any sense.

Computer Synthesizer

In an attempt to formulate a next big score, both in assets and income, I came to the idea of a synthesizer that links with Fruity Loops Studio, using built in instruments, recording, presets, tracks, etc...etc...

This would be an ultimate expression, having a laptop onstage, linked to the PA and play song after song in a typing fashion.

It would require a difficult learning curve to perform, like any other instrument, yet would allow for a great ammount of variety, depth, adaptivity, access to sounds, availability, and more.

Dummy Post

Posting this image as a reference to my Shadow Assassin's forum avatar.

Past the Cigarette, Getting High on Life

Really good day today, helping around the house, in the backyard, went to Weight Watchers, ate tasty food with my parents, played some basketball, a bunch of Planetside, wow, it really is a bunch when you stop and think about it. I just hope that someone, somewhere, is planning about a decade of boredom for me, so that I can flex my imagination and resolve. Don't get me wrong, I love living it up, and I don't want the full wrath of Pain to strike the Earth down. What I really want is more days like today. And I really hope that my parents are trying as hard as me to get along. OH, WAIT, I threw the tennis ball for Oakley about a hundred times, that's really cool. I shot over 37 hoops in the driveway, I truly considered going to the park and challenging a couple black kids up there, but I wasn't feeling confident in my stamina.

I hear that the Timberwolves won today against the Denver Nuggets, quite an upset. The Nuggets were on a roll before that game. I'm itching to watch some baseball, I really don't know any of the new players for the Twins, but who knows, we could have a stellar year. When I'm done posting here I'm going to find the Wild highlights on Youtube.

Maybe You Have Notice my Anxiety, I Want a Cigarette!!

Haven't smoked an actual cigarette in years, but the smells, tastes, music, women and rain are mixing to make one mean cigarette craving :) Maybe I'll pick up a pack tomorrow, probably not though.

Be Kind to Yourself

No, I'm not Zeus, not God, not Jesus, not even a minor diety like Orion, it's me David :)

So, why do I have trouble enjoying life?

Maybe it's because of some past life that can't be forgotten, maybe the newspaper, maybe the clock and birds aren't harmonizing today.

I'm looking for savory sensations.

Play Along Long Enough and Rise and Fall

So, if I play along long enough, I get to ride a rollercoster of life, schweet.

Try and Find This

Why is everyone trying to find me when I"m right here?!

Back to Planetside, cause the corps don't want me.

Be True to Thine Self Till Death

So, basically, you'll be lonely until you accept yourself....then, after you accept yourself, you can begin to accept another.

For my Loving Fans

I'm not actually as crabby as I sound...I want to be constructive, but problems keep popping up, I guess that's life.

I want to perform guitar in a jazz band with well dressed, attractive, women watching...a little smoke...a little wine, you get the picture. Maybe that place at the corner of 81 and 30, the narrows.

I would want me on guitar, an upright bass, a violin, a piano, and a sax.

I'm going to send John another needy message, asking for names :)

I Have Ad-Diction and Should Be Institutionalized

Ok, not really, but sometimes I feel this way.  I don't trust myself, I don't trust civilization, so why not spend the rest of my days in an institution?!

Stock Round Lot less than Bond Lot And Net Hourly Wage

So, I found a simple explaination as to why commercial investors don't buy bonds...a round lot of 100 shares of stock might run $1,000 whereas a round lot of bonds is $100,000. This is a neat way of thinking about the balance. I would like to own more stocks and bonds.

Also, I've begun getting realistic about what I make per hour. When I was younger, I thought that every transaction was a dangerous quest, I still think that way sometimes, but realistically, there are chairs to fill, and people looking for a place to sit. I make pennies per hour. I would like to raise my net profit per hour to more than a dollar an hour.

Keep it Clean

The famous starting words at a boxing match, so simple, yet so elegant. Sometimes we need to stop and ask ourselves, "Are we keeping it clean?" Things like torture, internet porn, pointless shootings; these things make me truly question whether we as a civilization want to keep it clean, or do we want a mess?! I sure don't want a mess, yet readily admit, in the same breath, it's incredibly hard keeping it together.

From the obvious blows hockey players exchange, to the much more subtle things like daily discourse, we should continously be asking ourselves, are we keeping it clean? And no Prince nor Princess, Emperor nor Private, may force this civility on you, I must catch myself, and accept my own humanity.

New Appreciation of Diet Pop

I got a sweet deal at Walgreens 2 x 23 oz. cans of Arizona Green Tea for $1.07, didn't realize they were diet until about half way back to my office. But, turns out they taste fine.

Damn, it Feels Good to Be a Single Man

Yeah, I just resolved to research the current debate resolutions and they have some wicked ones.

The policy resolution, more or less, is "Be it resolved that the United States Federal Government should significantly increase its transportation infrastructure."

This comes at a time when anything I accomplish physically seems vain and trivial, so it's a nice bone to have the current debate resolutions available.

I'm sure there's someone, somewhere, that's sick of greasing the wheels, but think how the wheels feel.

The Only Thing to Fear is Fear Himself

Truly, a fear of mine is that my family, any part of the human family, and particularly those that I'm closest to, will die, be forgotten, or otherwise pass into the ether of the universe and cease to be.

Princesses and Soilders

This is what our society is becoming, if it isn't already this way. No more nuance, no more casual Fridays, no more festivals or community. You are either a Princess or a Soilder, with the old princesses and soilders graduating the young. The sad thing is that these silver kings and queens will get what they want...then realise that this dichotomy reflects on themselves, and destroys the very institution they serve.

Luxury is Addiction

Ever since I put the down payment on my Epiphone Emperor Regent down, I've been looking for magic items whilst paying off my debt.

Rome, Romance, Object, Drug, and Gold

A little confused, being bursting yet tired.

I know there is a simple life out there, yet in all my experience, I'm unable or unwilling to walk it.

I know little, and least of all know myself.

"To thine self be true."

I fantasize and I consume, I run from countless loss.

A Minute

Good does not qualify as good, in my book, when it's framed by chaos and war. Not to say that I don't account for the good times, nor that I'm always in a bad mood, only that every chirping bird is progress, every growing thing a start.

Call me a hippie, gay, or what you will, yet I know that my path leads to peace, passion, structure, love, fulfillment, acceptance, truth, relation, and many more things yet unseen. As a great wizard once stated, per J.R.R. Tolkien's classic, "Do not be eager to give justice and judgement."

Stomach Filled up to Where my Heart Was

Finnally getting warmed up and ate enough food to fill my body. I feel that I deserve to feel warm and safe and full at every meal. That may not be practical, but the idea sure seems nice.

So, my life has been resembling that of a lost boy more than a calm confident adult, but I take medicine every day for depression and pyschosis and mood stability. It's just really aggravating thinking that I'm caring about life more and life gets harder. I always believed that as I became a better person, with more direction that I would have a better time, and I guess that may be true in a sense, but something happened where I'm not able to slow down during my down time.

In other words, I want to feel like mollasis without having one of my limbs chopped off. And without using controlled substances.

Grandma and I have a new system for health. If we want a treat we need to do a proportionate ammount of exercise before the treat. This really makes sense to me, because of cause and effect, WW, and because of what Grandpa said about having a two track mind. So far, it's working really well, except for an early morning binge.

I have had plenty of risky behavior in my past, and I'm just hoping that I get over it. Yet, my risky behavior has lead me to a very honest approach to life. I'm working at limiting the risky behavior, so I can feel healthier in the future. It wouldn't hurt finding a girlfriend.

If anyone has her number, please leave it in the comments.

Coma

I think my body is going into a coma, I can't breath, I can't taste, and I'm hungry after I eat. I'm happy that I can see. I'm not going to start every positive with a negative, GOOD BEGETS GOOD, and WINNERS WIN.

Beginning the Script of a Lifetime

So, if I were to compare my life to a shapeless nebula with light and dark spots, swirling solar winds, and stars and matter forming and organising, I believe I'm going from a gamete of a nebula to a full zygote of a nebula, to mix biology and astronomy metaphors. By this I mean that I have a better understanding of what factors of life are important to me.

One job that I would like to stand my ground on is as barrista and pizza cook at the MN and AZ rennaisance festivals. Another job that I'm working towards, yet still seems extremly high, mighty, and unachievable, yet not impossible, is that of Ordway pit guitarist.

Don't Feel like Blogging, but Somebodys got to Do It

After a day of fun games, and my Grandma giving me money, and simplifying my wishlist on Amazon.com and adding a couple lists of Archtop luthiers to my favorites...the day is satisfying, yet I have a very real fear of mediocrity. When things go well, it adds suspense for the next major problem that we will face, in a bad way. I played blackjack and Texas Holdem and still have cash in my pocket, maybe I'm not so mediocre after all, and maybe the future will be as simple smooth as today.

Coffee, Milk, and Beer

I'm tempering my enthusiasm to the essentials so that I can focus on my own moods as they relate to these things.

Plus, these things make me happy!

Distilled Career Profile

1. Semi-Pro Pit Guitarist Substitute - practice scales and songs
2. Semi-Pro High School Sport Coach - learn the sports
3. Semi-Pro Ebay Domain and Book and Games and experiment Sales - check ebay
4. Semi-Pro Construction Worker Helper - check with Alex Fredrickson
5. Semi-Pro Desert Harbor Poker Player - win money
6. Semi-Pro Rennaisance Festival Cook - dress up and attend Ren Fest
8. Semi-Pro Barber for Tyler - check with tyler about haircuts and raise price with experience and complexity
9. Semi-Pro Police Reserve - rejoin the reserves

New Perspective on My Career

To recap, pro athlete, pro Broadway, pro restaurant, pro ebay, pro assistant, pro web designer, pro construction worker, pro dealer, pro net estate, pro military strategist, pro librarian, pro Rennaisance Festival

Now, with a fresh perspective, I'm considering careers to really make a hard effort at.

In order...

edit
1. Professional pit guitarist
The ammount of practice and discipline that must go into this, would really make it rewarding. Plus, it's a way of easing into stage work without actually being on stage.
2. Professional Athlete
Okay, I've been told, and have read, this is very unlikely. Still, I'm not afraid if I were paid to perform, coach, report, or analyse, most any sport I would really enjoy myself.
3. Professional Cook
I'm proud of myself when I make a simple pizza, and the only time I've actually been paid to work in a restaurant is washing dishes, another good way to ease into a profession.
4. Professional Ebay
This is how I currently make my money, there is a lot of competition but I don't care.
5. Professional Construction Worker
I roofed for a while, I was tech support, I was a helper...I love being active, doing heavy lifting, and giving someone a roof over their head.
6. Professional Poker Dealer
Poker school, long distance, and a wild temprament make this a very difficult, yet safe and seductive career option.
7. Professional Net Estate
I currently own plenty of Net Estate, I'm happy with what I have, I can afford the upkeep, I would like to brush up on my HTML.
8. Professional Librarian
I want to run a library, mostly for the peace and quiet, but also for the dirty books.
9. Professional Rennaisance Festival
This would be sweet, living dangerously, being outside...my favorite stage.


This is really much too much for a lifetime, or many lifetimes, I feel that I could do any of these for a long time, where to start?

Should I Buy Mature R Rated Films?

It's no secret that my sex life has been lacking, and I do enjoy the body of a naked woman. So, I found this list of mrskin's 100 best movies with nude scenes. I pruned it down to 9 movies with the most promise.

Most of them I would not buy if it weren't for the nudity. And they are likely to make me horny, so I wouldn't watch them with the family. So, I figure I shouldn't buy them...you know, attempt to have a real girlfriend. Then again, they seem like mainstream movies. Here's the list that I'm considering...

Private Parts, Eyes Wide Shut, Body of Evidence (1993), Barb Wire (1996), Striptease (1996), Basic Instinct (1992), Basic Instinct 2, Gia (1998), Conan

Now, these aren't porn, but they are not quite kosher either.

First, Private Parts...This is Howard Stern's movie...attractive for Stern and Jameson's nudity, but also for the content, this was a widely anticipated movie, with a "big" budget...I first saw this when I was young on a billboard, it had Howard Stern nude with a skyscraper covering his penis. Tempting.

Second, Eyes Wide Shut, now I'm not a Kubrick nut or anything but Clockwork Orange was pretty good and I hear this movie, with all the sex, and a catchy title might be worth a purchase.

Third, Body of Evidence, this movie really intimidates me because Madonna is such a star in music, and I've always thought she is attractive. I hear this is really steamy. I want it but not sure what kind of tricks it will play on my mind.

Fourth, Barb Wire...Pamela Anderson...she was the pinup girl of my youth so I want this one for that reason.

Fifth, Striptease....I remember seeing this one advertised in the movie rental store when it first came out and thought it had a super sexy cover.

Sixth and Seventh, Okay, from what I've seen on MrSkin these seem hot, and they have Michael Douglas, a definite bonus.

Eighth, GIA...So, Angelina is sexy and it's about a sexy historical figure, sounds intriguing.

Ninth, This is my Arnold pick and I would get this despite the blood, sex, and angry Mongolians, for the fantasy weapons, muscles, and plot. My most likely purchase.

Well, this gives me a lot to think about before jumping into any purchasing decisions.

Every Sentence has Mass and Velocity

Noun = Mass

Verb = Velocity

Velocity the mass.

All Men are Created Equal

This may be a quirky rant, or it may be sage advice to our government, or it may be somewhere in between.

We can use the internet as a means of communication, accross long distances, making every John and Jane Doe into a media network. Also, cheap access to tools and information can fulfill the dreams of many. This means of communication could lead to our principle of a large middle class and all men created equal. Creating a future where men yearn to be part of their community, and learn their identity, and practice skills, before venturing out into the real world. Farmers can collaborate, governments can transfer money, previously disperse and rough civilizations (in other words groups), can find common ground.

Here's a couple barriers to this plan,

1) Porn, we must implement a multi-faceted approach to minimizing porn on the internet.

2) Access, farmers need access, framers need access, fremars need access. More libraries with computers.

3) Channels, consumers need choices of channels to publish to.

4) Multiple solid information sources, Wikipedia times 7 versions.

I hope these suggestions become reality, and we move toward "Techno-Suburban-Ranchers" and not "Techno-Matrix-Terminators."

Cleaning Up Before Vacation

I'm getting my office and bedroom into shape, so when I'm laying by the pool I can think of coming home to clean rooms. I really look forward to seeing my Grandparents! I'm thinking of so many things we can do and see. I hope to get their input on the hour-long vinyasa that I hope to develop.

I really want to climb silly mountain road a couple of times.

Well, I better get to cleaning.

2 Minor Number Changes to Football, Maybe 1

With these 2 changes, I believe the game of football would be improved. Make the extra point into a 2 point kick. Make the field goal into a 4 point play.

These 2 minor changes would result in more ties, closer games, and more air-time for commercials.

Or, maybe just 1 change, turn the field goal into a 4 point play, then teams feel the need to go for the 2 point conversion, and the game becomes improved with only 1 numerical change.

Then again, I don't know football, maybe I will google fooseball.

Finding a Balance

So, what is the opposite of yo yoing back and forth, consuming and selling, waiting for the next problem to emerge?

Well, I must imagine it means being more instinctual. For the trees weather the winter, the whales weather the tides, the winds eventually settle, and the rain finds its way to the rivers.

Yet, the things that make up our human habitat, building a house, making the bed, brushing our teeth, shaving, cooking, driving, etc... are not instinctual the same as a squirrel seeks a nut and knows how to open it. The critters seem so adaptive to their environment and certainly do not question their own work, they are content to sit on telephone wires, and burrow holes, and float in water. Pets seek treats, and beds, and patting on the head.

They need not judge situations as beneficial or harmful. They do not choose their day. They react to their environment all day long. Their long term actions derive from instinct, not from a sense of time. Their borders are physical. They do not tire, but persist.

Perhaps, we are not so different. And maybe we are.

Professional Sports Without a Clock

I've been giving professional sports a critical look in an attempt to make the games simpler...I believe that Football and Basketball could be played without a clock with little change to the rules, but racing to a score..say 100 for basketball, and 40 for football, and with possitional, possession, and points penalties.

It would be tough to accomplish this within the networks' time restraints for hockey and soccer, being that they are low scoring games and a "race-to" condition would see large variation in the length of games. It might be possible to engineer these games to run a desired ammount of time, but I'm not sure exactly how.

Then again, baseball IS America's pasttime and it may be reserved throughout history as the timeless sport.

Black and White are Colors Too

I recall being taught that white contains all the colors of the wheel, and black is the absense of color. But these definitions make two perfectly good colors out to be something they are not.  They are just colors, like the other colors, and I'm adding them to my color wheel.

Fire and Ice by Robert Frost

When I'm catastrophising and people get on my nerves I go back to a poem by Robert Frost.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Short and sweet.

I Can Count to 1000

So, my goal today is to be more aware and productive than yesterday, so I started the day by counting to one thousand, 1001 technically. It didn't take all that long and now I feel more worldly seeing as how I see a thousand people a day. I must admit I used my fingers to count the hundreds, yet I said the complete number from 1 to 1001. This is a suprisingly fun, and difficult, way to slow down and really count on life.

Short Post Sleepy Friday No Guitar

In the interest of brevity, and consistency, and form; I am writing a short post. I'm going to learn the multiplication tables through the 12s at least, maybe through the 14s...That will be a fun exercise.

The Danger Comittee

Unbelievable performance by The Danger Committee in a theatre next to the Orpheum. Susan was nice enough to give me Bruce's ticket. I love visiting downtown, the lights are bright, the air is crisp, well you get the idea. Now, I know Tyler went to Cordon Bleu, but man can he make a dinner! The atmosphere, the food, the music, the company, the stage, just a wonderful night altogether. Th3 shOw is 1337.

Bank Lamps were Made for Fencers

It's funny, me and Mom are working late and I'm getting a bit bored, so I pick up my letter opener, which happens to be in the shape of a sword, and began fencing with my desk lamp, a banker's lamp, green and all.

I jab and am parried by the metal string, the lamp takes a couple swings (pun), then I go for the post and land a solid lunge. OK, it's not really a lunge when I'm seated but quite gratifying still.

Got my van back today and the cost was quite resonable, not as bad as it could have been. It feels solid again, while I'm not really sure what was done to it.

Had Ice Cream today, mixed it up and went with caramel, it was yummee.

My mind has moments of catastrophe where it takes a bad turn and the whole imagined plot ends terribly. I'm relieved to say that none of the imagined catastrophies have happened, yet it's a real concern of mine. That mindspace would be better spent on real concerns, closer to home, with real results.

Speaking of real results, I'm seriously considering applying to McDonalds, it would be a good start in food service.

A Hair Cut

I got my hair cut short after years of wearing it long, it's a weird feeling having short hair again.

My van is in the shop, it sounds like it needs a lot of work done, I'm not looking forward to the bill, but I'm dependant on it for transportation.

I keep having this Buddhist fantasy that I'm going to live a perfect day and then recreate and improve on it every day. In reality what this means is that I need some down time. I guess that's what I have now while typing this...I feel warm, the traffic isn't too overwhelming, my parents are in bed, I don't feel too crazy about anything in particular, I'm full, I'm clean...mostly feel good.

I have this fear that there are people, possibly me in the future, that are railroaded through life with the same wet static fealing that I've had. So, then I ask what that tells me and I say to myself, I'll work up the strength to combat that wet static feel, yet that doesn't seem to work either. It's hard to gain confidence when it's natural to feel resistence.

Washed, Rung, and Hung Out to Dry

I'm feeling like a biological experiment today...it's 5:30pm and I've showered and cleaned, yet I'm still struggling to wake up. I'm going to volunteer in 10 minutes at ARC, I sincerely hope it goes smooth.

I can't wait to get this armoir out of my room, it's 2' x 3.5' and it doesn't really fit into my room. Maybe Cody liked it because it's a quality peace of furniture. I really need to clean the playroom so that I can get away from the sound of the traffic and read in peace.

New Weight Room, Skipped a Couple Events

Me and my family have been busy turning our basement into a weight room, it turned out very nice.

My New Year's resolution is to blog every day.

I skipped a party for my old boss, she is very sweet, her name is Larissa...then I skipped a volunteer event...then I skipped a New Year's Eve party...then I skipped a New Years Day party....I feel slightly sorry for myself, not attending, but I have plenty of excuses.

Either way, I'm going to get into shape with this new gym in my house. And I'm going to keep an extremely good attitude in 2012 :)