Why do I blog?

To put it simply, it's an easy way for me to think through my feelings. Yes, I'm avoiding my feelings, because pretty much every feeling carried to its conclusion results in being ill. Now, I don't know this for certain because I stay as close to root as possible, yet I do believe there is a better way.

It must involve finding a wife then giving a child as much time as they want.

Right now I'm high as a kite from porn and masterbation, but I'm also feeling well, which means I'm calmly exploring my emotions and thoughts.

Something that keeps recurring in my own life and with Broadway Awards is that I want us to copy the big companies and the rest of the company does what works. Now I believe they are justified in doing what works, yet I think it's my responsibility to push them.

I want to clean up my act, and I mean that as an expression, not an obsessive regression. I want to learn to rely on myself and my family and my habitat.

...I really want to keep typing cause the cursor keeps blinking and I like the sound of the keys clicking and the words falling on the screen, and the sound of the words in my head...

Basically I'm taking every opportunity to do my best, because that's what I can explain, that's what wants to be seen, that's what I want to experience. Now, I know there is a ton of debilitating filth that can be dreamed up, and debilitating fantasy as well, but my fantasies and filth are the everyday variety, but my loved ones tell me to do something else, do something more, show off, take credit, and move on. Well I really want to focus on the things I value, like a pictograph, simple and profound.

Now I give my family my best and my worst and all I get in return is phsycho thoughts. What I want in return is stamina, and smiles, and savory victories with crunchy points. I may be a bit immature in this desire but it is truly what I seek, being calm long enough to forget about bloody thoughts, like now. Getting above guns and cigarettes and having painless, memorable, fun with my family.

Which brings me to Arizona, I'm leaving for there on the 27th of this month. So, in my dreams I don't get my skating helmet and pads until Christmas of this year, but I'm strongly considering using the money I get June 3 to make a big purchase from skates.com.

I hope I can stay somewhat sober while in AZ.