Dear Opah, I Don't Like This

My dear Opah conditioned me to have vulgar traits and now I'm feeling very poorly about it. I mean I eat a lot, but I don't burp. I mean I'm incontinent from all the pornography I've watched, but I don't fart. These bad habits are simply distractions from my intent to have a productive and happy life. I don't think all my negative traits are from my Opah, but these definitely are. I had about 3 quarters as many farts and a ten times as many burps after returning from Arizona. I don't see any purpose behind this. I am a victim.