Looking Forward to the Weekend

Feeling good about the weekend coming in 20 minutes. I hope to play some basketball at the park, do some yoga(push ups, sit ups, and sissy squats), do some laundry, and maybe read, knit, watch baseball, and play The Godfather II. I figure if I do positive things I'll have a positive perspective.

The Fire Inside

The lack of sleep, combined with the annoying features of life are making me a bit edgy. Today's dilbert.com comic has a guy snapping from having too many passwords, sometimes I feel like that guy. While I never gave much credibility to the affects of nicotine and caffiene, it seems they do have an effect on my anxiety level, but at the same time my morning coffee, and when I'm thristy, a dew, make me somewhat relaxed.

I made a second video of the Robbinsdale Chess Club and posted it on youtube.com, it's a great game where the balance of the two armies flows back and forth. I hope to continue making these videos for a long time to come.

Cleaning and Creating Video

I'm cleaning my office now, tonight I look forward to hanging my new Betty Paige poster, and making a chess video for youtube.com.

I've been doing Ken Ken puzzles lately, they are strangely engrossing. It's a number puzzle similar to soduko, but with math equations.

Feeling a bit better

I'm feeling a little bit better since my "vent" post this morning, so if there's really anyone out there reading this, thanks for sticking around.

Communication Problem

I'm having trouble answering my phone and emails. I know I should get back to people but it's hard. Mental illness is not fun. I'll just do my best, and if people don't like it, then too bad.

Feeling a Bit Better Today

I'm feeling a bit better today, made a sale on ebay.com, and ordered some inventory for custom go sets from shodanimports.com.

I also went number 1 in the woods behind my house, that always makes me feel better :)

Gotta go to group today, I hope everyone is doing well. I also hope that Anthony is there, he likes movies, and sports, and pretty women. I feel like I can relate to him.

The burning sensation in my eyes is a little better today.

Overwhelmed

Feeling a bit overwhelmed today. The Visine helped my burning eyes. I look back on my past, and those lives that I've touched, and can't help but wonder...what if I had been more logically compassionate, more in tune with time, better prepared, had asked for help sooner, had been more responsible. What if my relationships were better, what if I had saved my money, what if I had never touched a computer, what if I cared more? What would life be without war, without famine, without sexual assault, without guns, without cigarettes, without illness?

On a brighter note, I look forward to hearing how Tom likes his go set.

Second Day not Picking at Skin

I'm actually very pleased with not picking at my skin. I thought it would relieve pressure at the places where I had acne, but the pressure was in my mind. And I feel better about myself by not picking at my skin. I may be a bit manic, shopping online is a lot of fun, I guess it's my generation, and making two blog entries in one day, but I'll take mania any day compared to painful picking.

Nice Surprise this Morning

I sold a go set on ebay.com...it sold relatively quickly and at a good price. Now I need to have it engraved and ship it. It's exciting to share my love of the game and make a little coin in the process. Also, my Mom told me that Cody's hand wasn't broke which means he can play the game he loves. Plus I'm making an effort to stop picking at my skin, and I'm being successful. I wonder what my future holds?!

Sick and Tired of Mental Illness

I feel like I'm becoming my illness. I go to treatment, I take my medicine, I journal, I get plenty of rest, I eat regular meals, I stay away from drugs and alcohol, I don't know what else to do. I guess I'll keep on keeping on, living for today. I believe that if I make some exercises part of a daily routine it would help.

Well, that's my complaining for the day, I think I'll go to Cody's baseball game, even if I can't follow it.

Strangly Rested and Content

I woke up this morning feeling strangly rested and content. Maybe decreasing the ammount of nicotene I take in is helping. There are truly many things I'm thankful for.

I'm planning the best way to put chess videos on youtube.com. What I'm thinking is I will find the score sheets from the games played at the coffee shop, then play through the moves in Fritz looking for brilliancies and blunders, save the game, then go through the game, making arrows and highlighting squares, with commentary, then upload them of course.

I hope the weather clears up for Cody's game tonight. I love baseball season :)

I also hope to sell the go set on ebay.com, maybe I could record my progress in go and post it on youtube, and scrabble, I really like my new screen recording software.

I read an article today, which alleged that a card collector was weighing packs of cards looking for "relic" cards. I'm sure this is satire, and it's funny! These relic cards, with autographs seem to be selling well on ebay. I'm still a bit leary of this market because it seems so sterile compared to the way I got autographs myself, handing over my stuff to be signed.

PS. The coffee is tasting really carmelly and nutty today :)

A Little Healthy Medicine

Me and Paul had a great time getting into our blitz games of chess. I won a couple lost a couple...but a good time was had by all. I was getting a little vocal during the last game, I hope it didn't upset any of the regulars. I think Paul or Barb would say something if I got out of hand. Dan was nice enough to lend me $2 so I could buy something.

It's good medicine for mind and body, playin a couple games of chess at the coffee shop.

I've installed a few new programs on my computer, The Godfather II, BSR Screen Recorder, and Fritz X. It's always fun installing new programs. Sometimes I think I like installing programs more than using them.

And gas prices keep rising. My neighbor's house burned down.

Life reminds me of "A Tale of Two Cities," "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Seasons Change

I'm taking the day off. Maybe it's like the Dilbert strip where the guy's brain shuts down, or that I imagine that I'll feel better after some time off. I've got a nasty boil on my thigh. If my body and mind are going, and I have trouble relating, and technology is driving me crazy, what can I do but lay here and attempt to feel well? I hope the changing season warms me up. I'm going to volunteer tonight, that's kinda fun.

Sick then Bed Sores

So what do you do when you're sick? Get lots of rest, right? Then after getting a lot of rest I've got sores on my thighs. The only explaination I can come up with is too much time in bed.

Almost garden season, this makes me very happy. Garden fresh tomatoes, beans and peppers.

I've got the Godfather II computer game that I might try tonight.

Sick Yuck

I don't know what brought it on, but I've been a basket case the last couple days. Stomach, eyes, anxiety...the whole 9 yards. I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm going to try to get hydrated, I'm gonna have some water and 7-up.

Michael Jordan Autograph Deal

This is the first time I've felt that the invisible hand of the economy may be working in my favor. I've got a deal cooking to buy some really good condition Michael Jordan autographs. I know that I will need to find a buyer which may be tough, in this economy, with gas prices, for a high end item like this, but forever the optimist, I'll enjoy displaying them until I find the right buyer. For something this valuable I may need to send them off to PSA authenticators. I'll be looking into a membership, the last time I looked it seemed kinda pricey.

Sunny Days Again

The weather is really nice here in Robbinsdale MN. I'm going to play some basketball at the park after dinner. As a follow up on yesterday's post, my appointment went well with my nurse practicioner. We discussed the relative merits of Depakote and she asked me to push through and get some exercise. Even though I'm tired and having plenty of mental issues I'm going to push myself at exercise.

I'm really excited about business at versaglobe.com today, I bought electroniccigaretteguide.com and I think it will have a lot of traffic. I may just resell it for a profit. Also my ad in City Pages runs today. I can't wait to walk over to the corner mart and pick up a copy.

The Robbinsdale Chess Club hosted by Coffee on Broadway was a hit yesterday, with Barb the owner playing, and a few speed games.

Psychiatrist Appointment Tomorrow

I see Natalia my Nurse Practicioner tomorrow. I hope she can prescribe some Depakote to help me manage my fluctuations in mood. The last time I was on Depakote it dulled my senses enough for me to have more calm feelings and process in a more linear fashion. Or, maybe I'll try the Valium again to calm down. I bet it would help if I took the coffee and nicotene out of my diet, but at the same time I don't want to be all Quaker and stuff.

On a more positive note, I have 100 lookers and 5 watchers at the Go set I'm selling on Ebay. It would be fun making a living selling things that make life more enjoyable for people of all ages. And, the fun of Ebay has far from worn off :)

Feeling Calm Finally

After a frantic morning, I'm feeling a bit more calm after having a tuna fish sandwich on light Italian bread, and a regular pepsi. I think Easter is making me nervous. I haven't heard from the Y yet, even though I answered their million-question interogation. Another thing thats been bugging me is my hands shaking all the time.

I complain about my environment, even though most of whats bothering me are second-hand accounts of bad things happening to good people, and that's my environment. I feel like I'm able to focus on longer term goals when I'm calm. I'm considering going camping this summer, maybe with coffee shop Nick, it would be a nice change of environment. Lately I've been feeling very steam-punk, cyberpunk, goth, city-side, etc.

I forgot to take my Zoloft this morning, I guess I'll just take it when I get home. This would be a great day to shoot some hoops.

Application to the YMCA

I would really like to become more fit and I believe getting a job at the YMCA is the ticket. I went to the New Hope YMCA with my case worker Rana and the manager on duty was Zabrina, she told me about the available jobs and where to apply online. So I sent in my resume for a Fitness Center position where I would be keeping the machines clean, answering questions, showing people how the equipment works. It would be a great way to make money, at least until my webstore takes off.